Add-vantage

age + maturity
never a direct proportion
wage + sex appeal
a definite co-relation

big car + big lies
could get you past the weekend
big tits + big sighs
will pay you rich dividend

fair skin + dowry
may brighten your marriage prospect
fair play + self pride
earn you far more respect

So you can choose to conform
And score a big fat plus
Or you could choose to break the rules
And live like the rest of us.

the player

it's fascinating
to watch a good looker
taking it slow, keeping it cool
knowing he'll get to hook 'er

he's the smooth operator
and oh, he knows his game
he attracts those sideways glances
like moths are to a flame

he won't give in easy
coz he knows its in the chase
he won't give out too much
so her interest in him stays

the eye contact will be steady
the repartee will be witty
the compliment will be casually thrown
and the girl's in his kitty

his strategy is to move quick
coz he doesnt want it boring
choose them, use them, lose them
and always keep on scoring

but what's even more fascinating
is that every goddamn chick
knows this guy for what he is
but still falls for this prick

what not to wear; how not to get dumped

men who wear three-fourths
seriously?! not cool.
spotless sneakers with white socks?
please go back to school.

jeans that show your butt crack
get outta my sight
body odour, waxed chest
you're calling for a fight

embroidered shirt, ironed jeans
dude, what were you thinking?
OD-ing on the hair gel...
can send her spirits sinking

watery weak handshakes?
come on, we don't bite
checking your hair in every mirror
then you're a woman right?

when it comes to dressing sharp
if you're kinda stumped
keeping it simple will save you
from the misery of being dumped

so cotton shirt, cool tees
jeans and a good cologne
thats not tough, so get with it
and you may not end up alone.

showing you the finger

he's got a brand new trophy
the blackberry, of course
he's singing praises about it
while i'm turning more morose

he's browsing through his pictures
his fingers move the digits
i'm trying to work my patience
trying to stretch my limits

i'm showing you the finger
i'm showing you the door
i'm showing you the mirror
you're just a gizmo whore

he's lecturing the waiter
the wine is less than chill
he thinks the risotto's lumpy
i think we need the bill

he says he's widely travelled
he's eaten better in rome
i'm bored and desperately wishing
my ass was back home

i'm showing you the finger
i'm showing you the door
i'm showing you the mirror
you're just a pompous bore

he's running down his girlfriends
they find him commitment-shy
i think what they really mean is
that he's just a lousy guy

he says he needs adventure
so he's ready to move on
and then i realize that i
have met a world-class moron

i'm showing you the finger
i'm showing you the door
i'm showing you the mirror
so really, no encore!

superficial me

i dont write of things
that are transcedental
simply put, my feelings
are more like purely mental

i dont write of higher thoughts
that clear the spaces in your head
more like, wine and shoes and clothes
and of men in bed

i dont write of freedom
and serenity and breeze
my words are superficial
and clearly meant to tease

well, truth be told i'm hopeless
at writing things intense
for i'm savvy not socrates
and thats my lone defence.

infatuated

you can call me sunshine
Or stick to plain my dear
you can call me honey
or simply make it clear

that you’re infatuated
nothing but infatuated

you can give me that look
or just play by the book
you can hold me close
or let me off the hook

coz you’re infatuated
nothing but infatuated

you can call for a tonic and gin
and ply me with chocolates and sin
you can give me all that jazz
about being the yang for my yin

but you’re infatuated
nothing but infatuated

nothing but infatuated baby
so let’s not lose track
nothing but infatuated baby
so can you cut the crap?

maybe...maybe not

No, I can’t drive a car
And I’m not a biker chick
I’m too scared to bungee jump
Too chicken for horror flicks

I don’t subscribe to The Economist
I’m not a yoga buff
I don’t read Paulo Coelho
Or Khaled Hosseini and stuff

But I’m hoping you care a damn
Look beyond the wham bam
I’m hoping you won’t be a sham
And like me for who I really am

I’m not big on world cinema
Haven’t traveled to exotic parts
I’m not good with babies
Or with discussing creative arts

I don’t have a tattoo
Can’t fix a mean martini
Can never tell a kick-ass joke at parties
Or look super skinny

But I’m hoping you care a damn
Look beyond the wham bam
Hoping that you won’t be a sham
And like me for who I really am

I don’t have a thing for languages
Or for watches or stones
I don’t fast on Tuesdays
Or have a fancy phone

I don’t own a diamond
Or shoes from Nine West
I have a face that’s average
And everything else that’s modest

But I’m hoping you care a damn
Look beyond the wham bam
Hoping that you won’t be a sham
And like me for who I really am

MAMMARY

Funny things, these two
Such attention-seekers I tell you
Keeping them hidden is such a waste
Showing them all is not in good taste
Women worry over their size
Men discuss them like a prize
Some like it bigger
others beg to differ
They can turn the fortunes of the untalented
So girls, lets not make comments unwarranted
After all, who are we to deny
A sizeable cleavage can catch anyone's eye
So when in a situation tricky
Don't play pricey or finicky
Use the trick most trusted
Better to bare than be busted.

lady gaga and red lingerie

the headline is boring
the body copy sucks
the client won't pay
stupid dumb fucks

my body feels bloated
think my chums will begin
there's a procession on the road
oh the bloody din!

i enter my house
switch lady gaga on
feel my red silky lingerie
and the fatigue is gone

she's got me in the groove
she's singing my song
and my booty looks fetching
in this super skimpy thong

my date isn't inspiring
his humour is contrived
the prices are too steep
the starters haven't arrived

the cabbie is a retard
he doesn't have change
the neighbour is curious
she's eyeing me kinda strange

but then i enter my house
and i suddenly want to dance
maybe its my lingerie
or listening to "bad romance"

she's got me in the groove
she's singing my song
and my booty looks fetching
in this super skimpy thong!

the truth

we're caught in the coolness trap
where we say a lot of superficial crap
while we burn within
and continue to sin
without meaning a word we yap

we're bound by pretty words and such
that really dont amount to much
when all is said and done
its not all that fun
coz you're left with nothing to clutch

all of us talk in theory
which can prove most dreary
we are disinterested
in the tried and tested
and believe we're all different and fiery

and as we grow older and jaded
we realize our coolness has faded
we wake up too late
to a future not great
and in the end, we feel so degraded.

the curse of the night queen

its twelve or nearabouts
the sleep is hereabouts
and as i settle for bed
i know what lies ahead
a day filled with losers, fuckers and louts.

good night all u bright young studs
and all u rosy dewy buds
its going to be the same old stew
so won't expect anything new
except new briefs and same old duds

dont wake me up with bright greetings
or with reminders of early morn meetings
i hate it all
what makes my flesh crawl
is that none of it is gonna be fleeting

i think it would be best
if u guys just go to goa fest
and make merry
dont forget ur black berry
and let poor writers like me just rest.

oh go on. night night.

an ode to eyeliner

you may be wicked, you may be proper
but your eyes will always be showstopper

so listen girl, it can't get finer
when you apply a stroke of eyeliner

on a bad hair day, it's the saving grace
i've seen it do wonders to a dull boring face

your knockers could be fine, but i'm placing my bets
eyeliner can still play up your best assets

you may hate soccer and not know cricket
but cleverly-done eyes can be your meal ticket

for times when you're bored, it could be the decoy
instead of looking droopy, you may just look coy

keep it close, it's a girl's best ally
for all those times we tell a beautiful lie.

think towel

the towel is a useful thing

keeps you dry, clothes un-cling

fluffy or thin, the towel's essential

in keeping your assets confidential

a girl in one is a winner

in bollywood, she's a money spinner

if you're bulky on the top or at the hip

keep one handy, before you strip

but if you wish to titillate

a towel will be the perfect bait

a beach towel makes things merrier

when she's lying face down, scorching her derriere

if it drops, just pray that your body

is in shape, not shoddy

at five-star hotels, they give you turkish

at home i prefer ones that are dark-ish

a towel lying around is a bomber

a woman sees red, the man is a goner

On the towel, i could continue to theorize

but i need to go and buy one that's full-size.

out, out

they say my hair will grow out
they say the stress will flow out
but can i ever block out
this niggling sense of self-doubt

my friends say i should chalk out
the dreams I often talk 'bout
but can i ever block out
this niggling sense of self-doubt

And just as you change page layout
I wish I could send a big shout
To this niggling sense of self-doubt
To change its course and get the fuck out