A Mean, Mean Note

You've made it amply known and how

That you're surrounded all the time

By fan mails and admirers and crazy flying objects

I'm not saying that's a crime

But surely you're competent enough to know
And it doesn't take Holmes-type detection
Your updates are packed with fizz and froth

But your toxic persona needs more conviction

One day, I thought I'd have a seizure

When you went on for hours about your phone

Then I heard you talk about some campaign you cracked
And it was as insufferable as a kidney stone

Much like a corporate brochure you sound

Brimming with lofty vision statements
And your pathetic attempts at being humble

Are just as forced as in-film placements

Am I being mean, yes undoubtedly

I'm a bad penny, I feel no remorse

And much as you're bound to be fit and fantastic
In being nicer, I'll take a refresher course.